ESTABLISH SHOT: Onboard Air West Flight 808, a 747 jetliner, flying high above the Rockies en route to LAX.

IN. PLANE: Night

While flight attendants walk back and forth throughout the cabin assisting various passengers, MALIK Bell(window seat) is staring blankly out the portal as the darkened clouds float by. TYUAN Weeks(aisle seat), his best friend, is sound asleep.

MALIK(Narration)

What the hell am I doing? LA? I am actually heading to Los Angeles, after all the shit I have gone through these last six months, how, oh how could I just chuck everything and leave Tampa without even a moment to contemplate? Huh, quite easily, believe me. See, I've had enough. Enough of Vernon's tired runt of an ass. Enough of Moms leaning on me for every damn thing under the sun. Enough of trying to be a father to my baby brother Kaleel, when I'm not. Enough of enough, really.

I'm mean honestly. If someone would have told me...

A female flight attendant approaches and leans forward.

ATTENDENT #1 Sir, can I get you anything?

Malik glances over toward his snoring buddy.

MALIK

A muzzle?

The attendant giggles and looks at TYUAN as drool oozes out of his gapping mouth.

ATTENDENT #1

That we don't have, but we do have a couple of bibs. Want one?

MALIK chuckles.

MALIK

Nah, that's okay. It probably won't be big enough anyway.

The attendant shrugs, then proceeds up the aisle.

MALIK(Narr)

Hmm, where was I. Oh, yeah. If somebody told me six months ago that I, Malik Bell, would, today, be on a plane headed for LAX permanently I would have swore they were on crack, which,, for Tampa, was not a long stretch of the imagination. Tampa had so much crack in the streets you would swear there's a fault line running right up Nebraska Avenue!
What happened, you ask? Hell, what didn't happen. Vernon lost his job and went too coo-coo for coco pops. How the hell did I know that the creep, my so-called life-mate of five years (short life, huh?), was an embezzler. A not so good one at that. Now what sissy ass niggah would be stupid enough to steal night deposits from Mickey Dee's? Vernon Hector Martinez, apparently. Well, Ronny don't play when it comes to his "McDollars" and wasted no time giving Vern, the night manager, the McBoot. Then I found out he had been cheatin' on me. Oh, now I knew he could lie-the man told so many tall stories he could have built skyscrapers for a living and made a killin'-but, stupidly, I just never thought he would lie to me. He loved me, right? Shit. Dumb, I was-Dan Quayle couldn't have been dumber. Well, never again-no way Jose. I'll never, ever, be that naive. I hope.
Then my Moms went nuts-now that really blew mind. Pearlie Mae Bell, go crazy? No way. Up 'til then she was the strongest person I knew. Adverse reaction to her thyroid medication, they said. Well, I had to go get her, of course. Lord knows Germaine, my middle brother, wasn't gonna help out.

TYUAN stirs, snorts, then shifts his weight in MALIK's direction. Now his head is resting on MALIK's shoulder. MALIK jerks. TYUAN grumbles, then shifts the other way. MALIK rolls his eyes.

MALIK(Narr.) N-T-way, I drove all the way up to DC and back in three days, only to end up losing my job as assistant manager at the hotel because I couldn't care for her needs, take care of Kaleel, and work at the same time. And Vernon picks that very moment to skip out on me with some triflin' ass " wigger"- some white boy who swears he was Snoop Dog in another life . Oh, please. Fuck him and Vernon. I was getiin' tired of his mess anyway.

MALIK

Asshole!

The female PASSENGER immediately in front of MALIK looks back.

PASSENGER

Excuse me?

MALIK

Oh, ah, sorry ma'am. Not you.

PASSENGER frowns.

MALIK(Narr.)

Kiss my ass Miss Thing and mind your damn business, shit. Well, thank God Leland came to my rescue. Man, that fool is too much. Who's he? Well, my new boss for one, a good friend for two. Leland Tyler Perry was the only one of my so-called associates who never threw the fact that Vernon and I were quitsville in my face over and over again. I mean damn. Get over it people. Life goes on, let me go with it. How many times must I hear how "awful" you feel now that Mr. "A number one asshole" and I are no longer together? How awful YOU feel! What about how I feel? See, that's what I get for letting Vernon turn our relationship into some kind of public peepshow. Oh, we just had to be the end-all-to-be-all. The cars, the houses, the clothes (matching, always!), the wedding. Yeah, you heard me-wedding. The event of the decade. Blissies (Black Sissies that is) are still talkin' about it and the damn thing happened three years ago. Vernon and I had decided to "seal our love and dedication"( I see your eyes rolling) with a Holy Union. The first, African American gay couple to do so in Tampa. Let me tell you, it was the shit too. Although I don't regret doing it, and would gladly do it again if I found that right someone, in retrospect it was too much. Yeah, we were role models for our community, but if they only knew what went on behind closed doors-baby, they would have exposed us for the fraud that we were. But that is all water under the bridge. The thing is, however, that after it was over I suddenly discovered I had lost me somewhere down the line. There was no Malik anymore. I had become part of some vainglorious well-dressed monster called 'Vernon and Malik'. Even after we broke up I found myself reminding people, whom I had known for years, who I was-"You know the queen formerly known as the latter half of Vernon and Malik?" "Oh, yeah. Hey Malik, Miss Thang. Wazzup!"
Now how am I suppose to get on with my future if I constantly have to be reminded of my past. I tell you how-get the hell out of Dodge.

MALIK looks up as the "Seatbelt" flashes on and the attendants begin to prepare the cabin for landing. One of the female attendants grabs a microphone.

ATTENDANT #2

Ladies and Gentlemen, the captain has turned on the seatbelt sign so we must now insist that you fasten your seatbelts, pull up your lap trays, secure your belongings, and turn off all electrical equipment and any walkmans or portable radios you may be using as we make our final approach into LAX. We here at Air West would like to...

MALIK drowns her out.

MALIK(Narr)

Whatever, Miss Girl. Thus, when Leland told me that he was planning on relocating to LA to run the west coast office of his dog fancier's magazine and offered me a job as his personal assistant, I said "Shit yeah!" And since Ty over there had nothing, and I do mean nothing, going in Tampa I asked him to tag along. But, leave it to him to be totally unprepared when it came time to leave. Ty insisted on placing his ratty ass furniture in storage (hell, the lock for the unit was worth more then the stuff inside), then when I came round to collect his money for the plane tickets, he stiffed me thirty bucks. Bad sign, I know, but maybe this is going to work out. Besides, it will be good to have someone I know like a brother to hang out with in LA. I think.

MALIK looks over at TYUAN again and nudges him. Firmly.

MALIK

Yo, Ty. Get up boy. We're about to land.

TYUAN mumbles, drools some more, then turns over. MALIK kicks him.

TYUAN

Huh? What the fuh...?

MALIK

"Boy, get the hell up. Look at you, man. You look like hell and smell like shit.

TYUAN

Miss Thing. Leave me be. I didn't get a drop of sleep last night.

MALIK

I'm almost afraid to ask. Why?

TYUAN (smiling devilishly)

You remember that guy I hooked up with at Tracks two nights ago?

MALIK

Not that white queen who is was so high on himself his clothes are made out of rolling paper?

TYUAN (smirking)

That's the one. Leek, you are just too hateful. There's nothin' wrong with that boy!

MALIK

Nothing..? Ty, the boy...never mind. You probably don't even remember his name, if you even knew it in the first place.

TYUAN

Miss Thing. Kiss my left nut. I do so remember his name. It's..., ah....

MALIK (shaking his head)

Figures. Ty, you're such a whore. I don't see how you can even look at yourself in the mirror each morning.

TYUAN

Don't worry Leek, I have no problems there. You wouldn't either if you had a fabulous mug such as...

MALIK

Oh, please spare me and the rest of the passengers Ty. We'd like to land without tossing our lunch. N-T-way, you were about to tell me about your escapades last night?

TYUAN

Oh, well, what's his name kept me up all night reciting poetry and playing love songs on his upright piano. You know, if I had stayed back in Tampa I think me and him...

MALIK

Would have never spoke to each other again, even in passing. Don't play with me Ty. Don't you realize I know you by now, whore. My God, wasn't he your third trick in as many days?

TYUAN

Third? Miss Thing, you forget I spent Wednesday night at the bath house. You know I just had to leave Tampa with a bang. Hell, the number is more like...

MALIK

Like I said spare me, please. You are one sick puppy Ty. Why you like hanging out at that God-awful place is beyond me.

TYUAN (grinning in recollection)

It has it's moments Miss Thing, believe me.

MALIK rolls his eyes as ATTENDENT # 1 returns.

ATTENDENT #1

Sir, I need to collect your pillow.

TYUAN leans forward and allows ATTENDANT #1 to retrieve the small pillow he had been using throughout the flight. Noticing the huge brown drool stain on its face, ATTENDANT #1 cringes and grabs the offending article between her thumb and index finger and. dumbfounded, walks away.

MALIK(Narr)

Now you know Miss Girl is thinking: "This one is definitely NOT a keeper"

MALIK

So is that buddy you were telling me about going to meet you at the airport? Aren't you staying with him until I can get Lee settled and line up a place for us?

TYUAN

Huh? My friend? Oh, you mean Peter. See that's the thing. I meant to tell you that...

MALIK (eyes widened)

No Ty. Please don't tell me...

TYUAN

Well...

MALIK (irritated)

Ahhhh! Tyuan Le'von Smith, I thought you had this all covered. Remember, I told you that Leland was footing my expenses until I found an apartment and you know damn well he can't stand you just as much as you cannot abide him!

TYUAN

Miss Thing, relax. I couldn't get in touch with Peter. He works for one of those Alaskan cruise lines and is overseas for six weeks. Miss Mary is completely incommunicado. What was I suppose to do?

MALIK (still irritated)

Like, let me know something sometime before we're about to touch down! Sometimes you can be such an asshole. What am I suppose to tell Lee now? He made it quite clear to me that he was not about to finance your move to LA. He's already shelling out a sizeable fortune for himself and I. I told you as much three weeks ago. Damn!

Silence. MALIK focuses on the portal again. TYUAN, after giving him time to cool off, speaks up.

TYUAN

Look, I'm sorry. Is that what you want to hear? Listen, I knew you would react this way if I told you before so, I just couldn't admit that, for all intense and purposes, I'm quite homeless. I just wanted to get to LA. Look, let me talk to Leland. I'll smooth this over, you know what a charmer I can be? Malik? Malik? Don't ignore me Miss Thing.

MALIK exhales, then shakes his head.

MALIK

No, I'll talk to Lee. He'll probably read me for filth, but at least I'm used to it. If you start in on him, no telling what might happen. Hell, he just might send me right back to Tampa. No, I'll handle this one-Ay' gin. I'll just tell him that you'll reimburse him your expenses. How much money did you bring?

TYUAN frowns.

MALIK

Don't tell me...?

TYUAN

Drier than the Sahara at high noon, I'm afraid.

MALIK (Shaking his head)

Great, just great Ty.

MALIK (Narr)

Oh brother. What the hell have I gotten myself into?